Our needs can change with age, and these changes may mean we need help. In fact, most older people will need some form of long-term care in their lives, according to the Administration for Community Living. Many seniors, however, don’t always accept help without resistance. If you’re dealing with elderly parents who refuse help, the following information may help.
Why Do My Elderly Parents Refuse Help?
It seems obvious to you and everyone else that your parents need help, yet they still refuse to accept help. Why?
There are several reasons why your aging parents may refuse help, even when it seems like the best choice. Understanding where your parents are coming from can help you meet them where they are at and create a care plan together as a family.
Reasons your aging parents may not accept help include:
- It can be hard to deal with reversing relationships. They are now the care recipients and you, their adult child, their caregiver. They may feel embarrassed, frustrated, or scared. It may be hard for you to accept these changes too. Communicating that these changing dynamics are hard, but that you can work through this discomfort together as a family, may make them more receptive to assistance.
- They are feeling frustrated with a loss of independence. Loss of autonomy is a major source of stress for older adults. Your parents may be worried that they can no longer make their own decisions or that their loved ones will abandon them. Reassuring your parents that they are still involved in your family’s decision-making processes and that you will always be there for them can go a long way towards easing their concerns.
- They are lashing out due to health issues. Maybe your loved ones have not been getting enough sleep. Maybe they’re experiencing cognitive decline that impairs their emotional regulation. Maybe they’re experiencing new or worsening medical conditions that impact their quality of life. Figure out if there is a physical root cause of your parents’ discomfort. Treating these health problems can improve their quality of life and allow them to be more receptive to receiving other care services.
Does Your Elderly Parent Need Help? 12 Warning Signs
Signs your elderly parents need help can include:
- Poor living conditions, including rotting groceries and dirty bathrooms
- Lack of personal hygiene
- Social isolation or withdrawal
- Sleep issues
- Unexplained bruises or other injuries
- Hearing loss
- History of falls or new, frequent falls
- Changes in weight
- Unpaid bills
- Increased forgetfulness
- Agitation
- Poor mental health, including signs of depression and anxiety
These signs can indicate that your parents’ safety is at serious risk and that they may need professional help or assistance from family members in their day-to-day lives.
Getting Your Aging Loved One to Accept Help
Ways you can convince your elderly parents to accept help include the following.
Have open conversations as a family.
Open communication is key to helping your stubborn parents listen to you. Validate their emotions, use open-ended questions, and remember that difficult topics may require multiple conversations; resolution won’t always be reached in a day.
Don’t do everything for them.
Your aging parents may not be able to file their taxes by themselves, but they can still help with grocery shopping and other simple daily tasks. Not doing everything for them helps them maintain autonomy and a sense of purpose.
Let your parents take charge of their own lives.
Include your parents in the decision-making process every step of the way. Doing so ensures that their dignity is preserved and that they will be more receptive to aid.
Decide on the right level of care, together.
Determine what your loved ones’ needs are, then match them with the right level of care. Your senior care options can include in-home care services, senior living communities (assisted living communities, memory care communities, skilled nursing care facilities/nursing homes).
Be patient.
Not every issue or concern you or your parents have needs to be addressed in a single conversation. Your parents may need more time to sit with your concerns and discuss their situation amongst themselves before ultimately deciding to accept help. Remember that there is no timeline for getting parents to accept assistance.
5 Ways to Help Your Aging Parents
Ways you can help your elderly parents include the following.
1. Establish power of attorney and living will.
Both documents will help your loved ones feel more in control of their living situation, allowing them to make their own decisions (or establish a person to make decisions they trust) regarding long-term care.
2. Create a support system.
There is some truth to the saying that hardships shared are hardships halved. Create a support network to improve morale, increase social interactions for your parents, and more. A support network can include family members, trusted friends, neighbors, and elder care managers or social workers.
3. Set reminders.
Forgetfulness can be a part of aging; simple actions like setting reminders can go a long way towards helping aging parents remain safely independent for longer. Set reminders, including appointment, bill, and medication reminders. If possible, replace the reminders for paying bills to autopayments to simplify the bill-paying process.
4. Join a support group.
Sometimes you have to help yourself before you help others. Watching a parent struggle and taking on caregiving responsibilities for them can be overwhelming. Joining a caregiver support group can help you feel less alone, learn new ways to cope and talk with your parents, and improve your own mental well-being.
5. Help them pick a senior living community.
If your loved ones decide that residential long-term care should be part of their care plan, assist them at every stage of the process, from determining the right level of care to finding a good community to touring the campus to moving in and beyond.
How Do You Help an Elderly Parent Who Doesn’t Want Help?
Aging can come with hardships and complications; stubborn parents might make a stressful situation even more so. When dealing with elderly parents who refuse help, remember to stay calm, practice open communication, and explore your options together as a family.
Disclaimer: Each person’s situation is unique. This article is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to take the place of medical, financial, tax or legal advice.